Off again...

Fernando and I have a second vacation coming up this week so we will see what happens to stimulate thinking along the way. I do not even know where we are going yet so it will be a surprise for all of us. Peace and enjoy the weekend.

Further summer vacation

While in Rochester we visited the George Eastman House and took the guided tour of the mansion. The docent who led our particular tour commented to me privately that she was surprised at my reaction when I heard that Eastman had committed suicide. I winced because that is my reaction to suicide. It is an act that I truly hate. I hope that my words never jump up and bite me on the butt. I can understand why people who are in terrible pain take their own lives. However, the act itself seems so totally self-centered that I cannot understand their justifications.

George Eastman killed himself at age 77. He was very likely suffering from spinal stenosis which gave him a shuffling gait. He had some difficulty descending the staircase at his home. He could no longer go on safari. One detail that the docent did not mention was that it was 1932, the height of the Great Depression, when few of his friends could afford to amuse themselves as lavishly as they had previously and I am sure that this led to Eastman's own great depression. He wrote a note stating that his work was done so why wait.

I think that I may have at least a partial answer to that question. Why wait? Waiting is a major part of the human condition. We wait for so many good things. One waits nine months to see a new life begin; we wait for birthdays, holidays, visits with loved ones, vacations. Why not wait for death? Death is a sad occasion for those who love us but hopefully not for the person who has departed. Even for those who do not believe in an after-life, death is a release from pain, whether psychic or physical. It is worth the wait.

The other side of waiting for death rather than precipitating its occurrence is that one cannot know what will happen next. Telling a child about how things were when we were children helps to teach history and to continue our culture. Story telling of this kind can be done most effectively by the old because we have the longest experience from which to draw memories. At the same time, we can continue to create memories by experiencing everything possible. I may not wish to jump from an airplane but I can enjoy a roller coaster ride or a trip to a new place.

Even if I do not particularly enjoy all of my experiences, recounting them may change some one's life.

Many years ago a 9th grade art teacher told my class that while most of us had no talent, anyone could learn to draw and to appreciate art. She also told us that getting a C in her class was perfectly fine, as long as we gave it our all. No one had ever given me permission to be imperfect before and I have held onto what she said for the rest of my life. I would never have been able to realize this fundamental truth if that elderly woman had decided that her life's work had already been accomplished and she did not need to wait for death. Death is worth waiting for because life is worth living. Peace.

Still More Summer Vacation

In my search for the old, the traditional, and the nostalgic, my husband and I stumbled across the Vintage Drive In in Avon, NY (Please pronounce Avon with a short A.). For $8.00 each we were able to watch Johhny Dep make a fool of himself trying to impersonate John Dillinger. The movie was unspeakably boring but the surroundings were incredibly evocative of a time or at least a condition that really was kinder and gentler. We chose to see the "adult" film because we have no small children left at home. However, the drive in was packed with families lining up to see Ice Age 3 and the families were in many ways more interesting than the films themselves.

I miss drive-in movies. They were a place where whole families came out and brought their children at 7:00 pm for a film that started at 9:00. This meant that dozens of pajama clad kids would crowd into playgrounds and wear themselves out for two hours before the film began. Mom and Dad would buy popcorn, corn dogs, and sodas just before the movie started and there would be a stampede back to the cars, with all the kids yelling "The movie's starting!" After about ten minutes of advertising for the refreshment stand, the main feature began and the youngest children immediately fell asleep. Their older siblings followed about an hour later. This left Mom and Dad an additional hour or two to just sit in the car, eating popcorn and left over corn dogs, and maybe hold hands, perhaps even kiss once or twice. The drive in was a place where parents could date--with their children. We don't really have places like the drive in any more.

Today if a couple with kids wants to go to a movie after dark they must get a baby sitter. At the going rate of $10.00 per hour for the sitter, $11.00 per ticket, $20.00 for snacks, even a night out at the movies will cost about $70.00--an amount that not many parents with small children can afford very often; also not the most glamorous evening. Today's young people must spend a lot if they want to have what is now touted as a good time. Good times consist of expensive meals, drinks, dancing, and a cab ride home. Nights like these run several hundred dollars and occur rarely (if ever) in many people's lives. I believe that this leads to a sense of disappointment and disenchantment of the sort that is called "Everyone is having more fun that me." Given the fact that families no longer have many outlets for simple pleasures, and a media that bombards us with "reality show stars" (supposedly ordinary people) spending thousands on a good time, is it any wonder that families have morphed into something other than what we once knew?

This week's Time magazine has an article on infidelity and its effect on marriage. While I agree that infidelity is a chronic problem for the American family and will write more on this tomorrow, I also think that we have simply lost a great deal of our ability to have fun with our spouses, and to appreciate them for the good people they are--or we thought they were when we married them. More on this tomorrow. Peace and go kiss your significant other.

What I did on this leg of my summer vacation.

Believe it or not I have never been asked to write a composition about what I did on my summer vacation. This is probably because most kids in my old neighborhood did what most kids in New York City still do now--very little. I was one of the lucky ones because for three years Catholic Charities sent me to a now defunct camp in the Catskills. The camp is no longer in existence but the memories persist and have given me an enduring love of upstate New York. Hence, I still tend to vacation in the land of Rip Van Winkle and Hawkeye.

New York is an extremely exciting place, especially for us history buffs. New York was the site of the French and Indian War, a major player in the War for Independence, and a huge contributor to the war efforts of the 20th century. More importantly, it was the birthplace of many religious and social movements of the 1840's. The first Negro Conventions were held here. The first convention for Women's Rights happened in Seneca Falls. The two movements, Abolition and Women's Rights, often joined forces. Frederick Douglas was at Seneca Falls on July 20-21, 1848 and signed the Declaration of Sentiments. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints began in Palmyra. The Shakers had an enormous center at Albany. New York has always been a state that embraces change and welcomes progress.

However, on this trip I personally embraced nostalgia. My husband and I slept at Red Roof Inns (not very fancy but always clean and utilitarian) and we ate at Cracker Barrel Old Country Stores. On the first night of our grand tour at dinner in the Cracker Barrel in Binghamton I noticed an African American family consisting of Grandma, Mom, a daughter of about 11, and a son of about 14. The ladies wore dresses and discussed a business in which they both seemed to be involved while the little girl played with the ubiquitous travel puzzles. The young man had his ears plugged with IPod buds and looked very different from the rest of the family tableau. He wore pants that strayed below the rim of his boxer shorts and a head dress often referred to as a do-rag. He displayed much "bling-bling" and that certain loose jointed body language that says "I am a thug." I found him interesting because he contrasted so sharply with the rest of the family and because he resembled so many of my students. A waiter came to take their orders and all of the ladies ordered the Campfire Chicken and Pineapple salad. The boy, on the other hand, ordered meatloaf, fried okra, macaroni and cheese, and fried apples. When his food arrived he polished it off in record time and then asked his grandmother, "Nanny, why don't you cook like this?" Nanny answered, "You would weigh 500 pounds if I cooked like that and do I look like someone who has the time to cook?' She was right about the 500 pounds and she really did not look like someone who had the time to cook the kind of meals this child wanted. While I understood her point completely, and empathized with her to a large extent, I could not help but feel that we have cheated our children in many ways. This young man was looking to the past for comfort and seeing it as a "kinder and gentler time" as many of us do. He is right. Food tasted better when we ate what the country produced, in the country. Sister Cook up at camp produced some amazing meals. My Aunt Julia in Peeksill taught me the delights of cold cereal with fresh blueberries in the summer. However we were more active as a country in those days and we did not eat processed foods so we could consume a great deal more.

At the same time, this young man, like many youngsters, must rely on TVLand for his view of history. This is indeed cheating him out of a perspective on the reality of America. Ask any teenager who Martin Luther King was and he will tell you that he was involved in civil rights. Then ask him what civil rights are and I promise that you will be disappointed when he is unable to answer. In order to understand the world we live in now, we must examine out past. I highly suggest a road trip north as a beginning. More on our travels as the summer goes on.